Another flight

8:54 PM


Again, i almost missed my flight. Again, i was the last passenger. My lungs hurt so much from running to my gate. I got to sit in the aisle seat. There is a young man wearing a pink dog collar with a doggie bone tag around his neck and very squiggly chin hair sitting next to the window and an empty seat beside me in the middle (thank goodness). This isn’t even my seat but luckily, there was a few seats left so I was able to sit here. I kept coughing from my lungs hurting because of running so much. The runway was icy and had large snow clusters which made the airplane slide a bit.
We take off into the 25 degree sky. i’m hungry. i’m thirsty. I brought voodoo donuts; one normal glazed and one captain crunch. which i ate the normal glaze while on the plane and drank ginger ale.. yum! I had no water but i had tea bags. All i needed was some hot water but i didn’t end up asking for any. i was fine with ginger ale.
I can still taste him on my lips. “i love you” were the three words he whispered to me in my ear as we were hugging and saying our goodbyes. i can still smell the home scent from my best friend. another “i love you” and i, “i love you too”. they waited there in the security line until i got passed it. sweet of them to wait knowingly i was about to miss my flight.
There i was, sitting alone. missing two of the most important beings in my life.

Colorado

2:54 PM

I was running late. Of course. Like usual. I got to the airport around 8:30 (aka my boarding time) and stood in a long security line. I rapidly made my way to my gate and by the time i got to the door of the plane, i was out of breath and barely made it. But i made it. Thank goodness. My colorado trips mean so much to me. It’s a getaway. It’s a breath of fresh air. It’s what I need.

Taking off, as I’m sitting here in the aisle seat, i am listening to City and Colour's Bring Me Your Love album. As we’re accelerating into the sky flying above the ocean, the morning sun is shining down onto the water creating a bright reflection through the window just two seats to the left of me. It’s beautiful. It gets brighter and slowly starts to cover the part of the ocean i can see through the small plexiglass. Soon there’s a bright light shining right on me and the two other passengers beside me. The most prettiest light i have seen.

I have no expectations with this trip. Nothing is really planned. I guess we will just do whatever and explore where ever. I guess the temperature is supposed to range from 38-65 degrees while i am in colorado. I am full of bliss. I can’t wait to see my best friend. I can’t wait to see Ozzy. I can’t wait see aspen trees. I can’t wait to be in a place I feel I belong. It’s been 23 minutes since I took off on this plane. 1 hour and 42 minutes left on this plane.

We’ve been soaring through clouds the majority of the time. It’s beautiful to see just white/grey fluff outside the window. Although I am enjoying the view, I am suffering because it is that time of the month.. unfortunately. One of the most annoying things that have to come with being a lady. Major cramps are going to kill me right now. I’ve been on this flight for an hour and twenty minutes. 40 more minutes to go! By the time I post this I will most likely already be in colorado and settled in. See you soon, Denver.

Absent.

1:57 PM

I've been away from writing for awhile. This is because of school, work, and health issues.
I will return later this month. Hope you all have been doing well.


Sharing This album i have been enjoying lately.

Change.

10:41 PM

It's been awhile since i've last wrote.. I am finding myself feeling extremely desolated. the past month and the next few months have been and will be the most stressful ones. of. my. entire. life. I will be moving out. finally. and on my own. well, with my dog, too. i cannot live without her.
today i cleaned out my room. went through everything. happy memories, sad memories, remembered it all. i threw away a great handful of things from my past. no room for clutter of unhappy memories any longer. it is time for a change. took me about 8 hours to completely finish my room. after cleaning it out, i rearranged it. thank goodness. i needed something different.. at least until i am out of here.
as i am sitting here in bed typing this and sipping on peppermint tea, i get the urge to just.. cry. but thats okay, i will cry and i will fall asleep. i will wake up feeling better and hopefully tomorrow my thoughts won't be so rough. this whole adult thing is becoming a tad too much stressing for me. stressful to where i am not sure if i am able to handle it. but oh god am i trying. i wish it was possible to just poof away for awhile and return with no worries, no stress, no negativity or sadness. everything would just be okay and going steady. but sadly, that is not how life works. taking things day by day is the best and healthiest thing to do in situations like this. in my opinion. relax, breathe. i am moving on with life and it is going to be so unbelievably scary but it needs to be done. there is no, "never mind" or "I'm not ready yet", i have to do this. for myself. i must push myself and start my life. my life is not meant to be lived in california. i know this for sure. i just hope i can pull through and don't let stress bring me down. time is moving fast. and i, i must too.

Dreaming.

11:05 AM

I cannot wait until I have my own home and I get to decorate it oh so beautifully during the holidays and seasons. I can't wait to start a family and live simply and happily. I can't wait to have my own garden filled with all my dearest flowers and healing herbs. I can't wait to light my favorite pumpkin candles in every room and fill my home's air with the lovely and spicy scent. I can't wait to live in a place where the weather actually changes with the seasons and feels like how it is supposed to be. I can't wait to take walks down and around my neighborhood without feeling unsafe. I can't wait to have friends and family over for gatherings and special dinners. I can't wait to cook, clean, paint, make, decorate, read, love, and enjoy the life God will present me with when this time comes. I'd like to fast forward my life to this period, please. I mean, I can wait. I definitely can wait. But oh am I dreaming..

**the photo is NOT mine. Photo credit goes to sara grace miller

October.

3:14 PM

It is the second of October and i am very much excited for this month. but i do feel like this month is going to pass on by very quickly like a lightening bolt striking down on the pavement. i'm not quite sure why i have this feeling but it isn't very comforting. there hasn't been much change in the weather, which i am so desperately longing for.
I've been filling my free time weaving these days. All halloween wall decorations. I enjoy making these so much. i feel i'd like to continue with this for a long time. i am hoping i will be able to become a vendor at the local farmers market. fingers crossed!
lately, weaving and listening to Ólafur Arnalds has been my favorite thing to do.

Away.

6:04 PM

My trip to colorado went completely different than what eleanor and i had planned. this being because we were both terribly sick and felt unwell for the first two days i was there. our plans: Boulder falls and Hanging lake. what we did: nothing but a trip to urgent care and stayed in bed. by day 3 we were okay enough to go out and explore.. thank goodness.
Hearing the wind whistling through the trees the way they did completely amazed me. It was beautiful.
It was saddening we couldn't do too much because we were under the weather. but this won't be the last time i go to colorado. this won't be the last time i see my best friend. there will be more days. more days to explore. more days to laugh. more days to stay up for all hours of the night with her and talk about everything. more days to wake up early and watch the sunrise. more days to do everything. i feel so blessed to have a friend like ellie in my life. she has a beautiful soul and she's more like a sister to me than anything else. i love her so dearly and I'm so incredibly thankful to know her the way i do.

❦

This night. this night was a nice night. met a sweet girl and spent a few hours with her and eleanor. i can say she is one of the loveliest ladies i have met. i can't wait to see her again and talk some more.

The fly back home. oh, i was not ready. i was not ready to go back "home" to california. but the flight was nice. so many clouds i flew through. looking out the window and seeing the cotton-like clouds was astonishing. i imagined myself flying alone through them and feeling the softness as if they had any texture at all. i imagined a light fresh sent of lavender and cool breeze flying through the white lumps of fluff. oh how lovely that daydream was.

❦

Here's my new obsession.


Days until autumnal equinox: 3