Little thoughts on Love

12:04 AM

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul
& makes us reach for more;
that plants a fire in our hearts
& brings peace to our minds."
-Walt Whitman
❦
What is true love? I think quite a few people get mixed up with love and lust or infatuation. Ive known some who believe love to be where you spend all your days with the person whom they "love", where you talk to them every second of the day, where you spend loads of money on them, where you pretend to enjoy things they enjoy just so they like you more — the list goes on, I guess. But for me, oh for me; I believe true love is infinite. It comes from the root of your heart and soul. It's letting the other person do what's best for them, it's laying on a roof at 2am counting all the stars in the sky with them because they can't sleep, it's deep conversations about anything and everything, it's making tea for them when they're sick, it's sharing your favorite books, it's telling them to drive safe and "text me when you get home", it's letting them be when you aren't the one they want, it's putting flowers in their hair, it's where you look at them a way you've never looked at anyone else, it's answering the phone at 4:30am when they had a nightmare and need your comfort, it's driving to them to give them a hug to let them know "it's okay, I'm here", it's putting their needs before yours, it's never being selfish. I could go on and on and on about my beliefs on love. This goes for anyone; not just a significant other, a soulmate. Love, oh pure sweet love, in all of its beauty, it is a wonderful thing. To love and to be loved. Deeply and truly. By friends, by family, by strangers, by "the one".

Oh, Daughter.

8:41 PM


A few nights ago I had the pleasure of watching an amazing band play live. Daughter. I felt sick and exhausted from working all day but I stuck through the entire show with my dear friend, Alize. We were so happy and excited to watch them play. Elena, oh sweet Elena.. The vocalist of daughter, she was such a precious being. Her entirety her lovely shy soul, sipping on tea & singing so beautifully. Pure beauty is all she is. Her humbling voice when she talks to the crowd, her shyness & laughter made my heart fill with joy. As they were playing, I noticed an elderly man standing in front to the right of me with his eyes closed, there he was dancing, swaying side to side with droplets of sweat on his forehead and his cheeks; taking in the ethereal music everyone in the room was also listening to. I looked at him for a bit, knowing he's having a wonderful time, dancing, listening.
I took many videos and photos and was praying to God they'd play one of my favorite songs, "Love". but hat did not happen. although, i was okay with it. Every song they played, every break and every movement of them was the epitome of beauty. I'm not sure how else to describe it. It was such an amazing performance. When they were playing "smother", oh boy.. Oh boy did those words "I'm sorry if I smothered you" break my heart. I felt it deep in my chest. Like stones being tossed in a well. It was so beautiful yet heart breaking. I'm so grateful I got to watch them play live.
❦
Here's a "numbers" by Daughter.


Here's "final" by the amazing band that opened for daughter, Wilsen. Pure talent.
❦
Beautiful music, beautiful souls.

Life

11:38 AM

Oh boy life has me feeling an abundance of emotions. For the past year or so, I've been thinking about my future. Everything about my future. From finishing school, to moving out, to traveling, to what kind of home and family I want when it's my time. What to do first? What is better? How do I do it? I have so many ambitions and dreams I am whole heartedly set on that I absolutely intend on accomplishing. But things are starting to go a different direction. The road my goals are on are suddenly starting to turn. How do I stop it? Can I stop it?

I used to think you need to make tons of money to be happy. I used to think having a whole lot meant being happy. I've been realizing that the less you have and the more you do (accomplishing dreams) is the key to a happy life.

"Life is what you make it." I stand by that 100% percent. I've been feeling a sense of failure and self-doubt lately and I haven't had time for myself to sit and think or weave or read or just do something that makes me simply..happy. I've been so caught up in school and work and my life is so much more stressful than it ever has been. But then I think about "life is what you make it". I can't sit around and feel negatively about myself. I need, I must continue to push forward and get through all of my toughest obstacles. I can't give up. I can't just say, "I don't get this", "I don't know what to do", "I can't do this". I need to say "I can"/"I will". & I can. & I will. Life is definitely what you make it. It saddens me when people have such a negative outlook on everything in their life and no matter what, they don't think of anything positive. They dwell in negativity. Why? Oh please, someone tell me why.

Friday Morning

10:52 AM

I woke up promptly at 10:01am. it was a nice atmosphere, a little cold, cold enough to where it felt comfortable. My pup still on my bed, sleeping and lightly snoring away by my feet over the blankets. ah, this is what i enjoy feeling and seeing. my dog still on my bed with me when i wake up. she's too tiny to jump onto my bed when she jumps off. so it's a lovely feeling. i opened my curtains (just above my head) a little so, just to have a peep of light poke through into my room, it was gloomy. my favorite. my mother and her girlfriend went away to vegas yesterday for the weekend and i have to say, i do love these weekends alone to my self. this isn't unusual, they usually leave to vegas multiple times a year. so i get to stay here, loving my dog and taking care of our home. it's a beautiful and calming feeling when i am able to be here alone; no yelling, no arguing, no physical hurt, no mental abuse, nothing negative. just me. just breathing. me. i love this. i find peace in solitude. at night, it does get a little lonely and i do get a tad scared. but only knowing i will be alone at nights for pretty much a long time once i move out on my own.

Last night i baked lavender cupcakes, unfrosted. weird right? not weird to me! i didn't have enough ingredients to make the frosting this time, as i do bake from scratch. oh the cupcakes turned out lovely. lavender is my absolute favorite. i ate 4 last night. shared with my little chunky loving dog, Prada.

Today, i plan on finding the perfect rose pink yarn for a wall hanging i will be weaving for a nice older lady. back in november, i was vending at my local Art Crawl which is like an art walk in my towns downtown. a lady walked to my tent and was interested in my work. sweet older lady, possibly around 50/60's. she was deaf so she was signing to me. luckily, i took 2 ASL classes in my first years of college, although i didn't remember everything, i was able to figure out what she wanted. she had asked me if i could make her a custom one for her living room. "off white, perfect rose pink" is what she wants. i gave her my email so we can keep in contact and i can do that for her. she didn't email once. until a few days ago. and how lovely, her email typings were in pink! asking if i remembered her and of course i did. i can't wait to make this wonderful piece of work of mine to have up in her home. i hope she loves it.

the wool roving i use is from australia. you can find more here.

the sweet lady asked me to do a replica of this hanging (my latest and my favorite)
but with the colors she desires. this will be a fun project.

another i've made (possibly a week or two ago)

Happy Friday!

Another flight

8:54 PM


Again, i almost missed my flight. Again, i was the last passenger. My lungs hurt so much from running to my gate. I got to sit in the aisle seat. There is a young man wearing a pink dog collar with a doggie bone tag around his neck and very squiggly chin hair sitting next to the window and an empty seat beside me in the middle (thank goodness). This isn’t even my seat but luckily, there was a few seats left so I was able to sit here. I kept coughing from my lungs hurting because of running so much. The runway was icy and had large snow clusters which made the airplane slide a bit.
We take off into the 25 degree sky. i’m hungry. i’m thirsty. I brought voodoo donuts; one normal glazed and one captain crunch. which i ate the normal glaze while on the plane and drank ginger ale.. yum! I had no water but i had tea bags. All i needed was some hot water but i didn’t end up asking for any. i was fine with ginger ale.
I can still taste him on my lips. “i love you” were the three words he whispered to me in my ear as we were hugging and saying our goodbyes. i can still smell the home scent from my best friend. another “i love you” and i, “i love you too”. they waited there in the security line until i got passed it. sweet of them to wait knowingly i was about to miss my flight.
There i was, sitting alone. missing two of the most important beings in my life.

Colorado

2:54 PM

I was running late. Of course. Like usual. I got to the airport around 8:30 (aka my boarding time) and stood in a long security line. I rapidly made my way to my gate and by the time i got to the door of the plane, i was out of breath and barely made it. But i made it. Thank goodness. My colorado trips mean so much to me. It’s a getaway. It’s a breath of fresh air. It’s what I need.

Taking off, as I’m sitting here in the aisle seat, i am listening to City and Colour's Bring Me Your Love album. As we’re accelerating into the sky flying above the ocean, the morning sun is shining down onto the water creating a bright reflection through the window just two seats to the left of me. It’s beautiful. It gets brighter and slowly starts to cover the part of the ocean i can see through the small plexiglass. Soon there’s a bright light shining right on me and the two other passengers beside me. The most prettiest light i have seen.

I have no expectations with this trip. Nothing is really planned. I guess we will just do whatever and explore where ever. I guess the temperature is supposed to range from 38-65 degrees while i am in colorado. I am full of bliss. I can’t wait to see my best friend. I can’t wait to see Ozzy. I can’t wait see aspen trees. I can’t wait to be in a place I feel I belong. It’s been 23 minutes since I took off on this plane. 1 hour and 42 minutes left on this plane.

We’ve been soaring through clouds the majority of the time. It’s beautiful to see just white/grey fluff outside the window. Although I am enjoying the view, I am suffering because it is that time of the month.. unfortunately. One of the most annoying things that have to come with being a lady. Major cramps are going to kill me right now. I’ve been on this flight for an hour and twenty minutes. 40 more minutes to go! By the time I post this I will most likely already be in colorado and settled in. See you soon, Denver.

Absent.

1:57 PM

I've been away from writing for awhile. This is because of school, work, and health issues.
I will return later this month. Hope you all have been doing well.


Sharing This album i have been enjoying lately.