12:06am. i should be sleeping. i have work in the morning and i try to go to bed at least by 11:30 (even that seems too late). but i miss writing. i miss it so goddamn much. so here i am. sitting in bed. lights out, macbook dimly lit, typing.
this past month–well, the past few months have been about self-realization and self-reflection. i've been.. i guess you can say.. finding myself. noticing the things i dont like about myself, noticing things i need to change, noticing what i do like about myself, etc. cutting people off has been the best thing i've been doing for myself in a long time. i was always afraid of disconnecting with people i love and care about. but the past month i've realized that some of the people that i truly care about, just aren't meant for me. or we aren't meant for each other. and that's so fucking okay. not everyone is meant to be friends. not everyone is meant to be romantically involved with who they're interested in. i've become stronger. i can let people go. i can move on and create new friendships. focusing on building real friendships is so important to me. and that's what im going to continue to do. no more looking for romance, although i so badly long to be loved. but who doesn't? who really doesn't want to be loved? i've been looking for love for so long. getting into the wrong relationships, gaining interest in the worst people, it's time to stop. it's time i focus on myself and my friendships. and i've been doing just that.
i am so much happier.