i have loved quite a few times. there are people i have loved so much, was in love with, gave my all to. but there's just one boy that i was so deeply in love with. in a way i have never been in love before. i loved him with every single fiber of my being. therefor, i consider him my true "first love". he is someone i will always hold dear to my heart. or maybe not him, but the memories. or him too. i dont know. i've moved on but its the memories that gets me. it's when i think about us back then and how he treated me. it's the memories of being in love. i love our time we had. although it has expired, those memories, i will never forget. we are no longer in contact and it is best this way. we were just a story that had to be lived for the short time that it was alive. something special for that time of our life. that is all that it was. and my memories are all that i have.
i was reading my past writings about him from years ago tonight and it just made all these memories.. resurface. this was a love that was so great. so pure. it was in fact, perfect. our story was so intense. the nervousness, the love, the fights, the hurt...
in the beginning was friendship. of course there were the thoughts of "wow he's so handsome" and you know, the heart eyes everytime his back was turned to me. i remember realizing i had feelings for him that werent just friendly. he set my heart on fire. it burned with such pure love. we spent so much time together as friends and then one night.. he kissed me. then everything changed. so many emotions, the nervousness, and excitement filling my body after that kiss. wow i miss that feeling of being so nervous and excited at the same time about someone new. we so quickly fell in love with each other it was like magic. we were just so happy. even with all the chaos going on around us. although we didnt make it, the time we did have was special. handwritten love letters and emailed love notes, late night phone calls, secret meet ups, any chance we had to communicate or see each other, we did it. i had never felt more wanted, loved, and cared for by anyone else, ever. no one could keep us apart no matter how hard someone tried. i wish i could write down all of the things i remember and felt and am feeling but its just so much and everything else belongs to just me. i love speaking about love and sharing my feelings and past. so this is why this is here. for whoever to read. the time we spent together was amongst the greatest days of my life. and i hope everyone gets to feel a love like that at least once during their lifetime.
(i didnt go into detail because.. well.. it's our story to keep.)